[Intended to be private to Uhura but lol that didn't happen due to intoxication, so, GLORIOUSLY PUBLIC.]

[Iiiiiit's Kirk! Say hi, Barge.]

"Did you know that Spock left? Cause he didn't say anything to me.

Bones is right. He is a hobgoblin. I hope he stays on Enterprise forever, banished away from this amazing place with all of its adventure and fun ( Read more... )

[Voice - a deeply acidic rendition of this post, natch, after he's actually gone.]

Captain James T. Kirk isn't on the Barge.

Just for your reference.

[Clicks off.]

[Kirk: please find your phaser in about thirty separate misshapen pieces at the door of your room.]

[Private to Rube]

Do you need anybody to take a mealtime shift? Any one. I don't care.

So.  Are there any other 'this just happens every so often so you might as well get used to it' floods I need to know about?

[Private to Kirk]

It's been six months today since I got assigned to you, you realize that?

I feel like I should do something to celebrate, but I don't have a rope or a crossbar high enough.

Okay, listen up.

I'm running a self-defense class. How to neutralise an attack, where to hit so it'll hurt, how to end a fight quickly, how to get away and not die. All that stuff. Strictly unarmed - you got weapons, you got powers? Leave that junk at home.

Minimum requirements are a non-sedentary level of physical fitness and not being a total ( Read more... )

...

Finally.

Anyone wants me, I'll be in the gym. If you get in my way, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume you want to be target practice.

Jimmy? Changed my mind. Still don't wanna talk. Have fun reacquainting yourself with the late stages of puberty.

Hey.

Not asking for a transfer, but Captain Jerk's whole emo bit is starting to annoy me. I figure the longer he spends sulking the less time he's gonna spend...contributing to my moral improvement or whatever.

How'd his last inmate ever manage to

He said something about getting a dog. Which I think would be a catastrophically dumb idea, but could ( Read more... )

JAMES KIRK.

I am going to kill you. Very slowly. Very creatively. And you know something? I don't even care that you're gonna come back to life; in fact, I'm pleased you're gonna come back. Because guess what?

THAT MEANS I GET TO KILL YOU ALL OVER AGAIN.

Consider this a warning. You better start running right now, because when I catch you, I am ( Read more... )

Yo. Heard someone got killed. Might as well eliminate me from your investigation or whatever - Captain Cute has known exactly where I've been these last couple days.

Also, murder on a ship where the victim just comes back to life? Talk about a freakin' waste of effort.

Jimmy...

Looks like today's the day. You come to me - Level 4, Room 15, ASAP.

Eat something first, you're gonna need stamina.